The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
