I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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