At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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