I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
