I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
