I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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