dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's Friday. Sex?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
