It's Friday. Sex?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
