the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish I only lived at night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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