She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
3pm strippers are depressing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
