Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
