If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
