Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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