If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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