you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
