Cold hands, warm shart.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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