dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
