I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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