I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.