We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.