i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.