As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in