Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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