Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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