he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
