she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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