Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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