Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
