I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
