I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize