We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
