my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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