I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
