I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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