i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
