Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
