my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
