I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
