You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
