ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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