Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
