none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
