Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
