how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sorry about my life...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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