tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
