You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
