i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
