I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize