well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Randomize
