She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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