I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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