In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
