Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
