We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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