He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
