Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
