Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
