i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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