You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
