How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
