i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
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Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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