i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We left an ass print on the piano.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize