My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
