you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
someone owes me an orgasm
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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