You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
