I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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